anesthetize don’t agonize
II: Soldier on Soldier girl
I used to give 5 bucks to the police fund coz I thought maybe 25% were good. Now I can honestly say maybe 14 cops in the entire country aren’t evil sadisric liars.
The police act hostile immediately. There is no investigation. They can bring four officers to your door, lie (repeatedly), ask you o step outside to answer a few questions. You comply, wondering what this could possibly be about.
You are not asked any questions but are told to face the wall and put your hands behind your back. When you plead why are you dong this? They threaten: I’m going to charge you with resisting arrest.
You are told they are putting you in an air conditioned squad car but instead tighten your handcuffs and throw you into the plastic seat of a patrol car (there are now 4-6 back up cars and many people bullying you with no communication other than this woman says you did his so if she makes a possible identification , you’re gone.
What if she is lying? You want to be charged with resisting arrest?
The backseat is not only air conditioned so you would fee more comfortable (I’m having ho flashes and pretty upset by now as I was to fly out to a funeral) and put me in a hot car and then roll up the windows.
About a minute later when I start to feel sick, I move in the back i try to help my writers stop stinging because now I’m so hot I’m feeling like I’m going to have a panic attack and my handcuffs are cutting into my wrists so much I’m crying – the female officer approaches aggressively to bark at me what are you doing? In an accusatory voice. In a hot car with Windows rolled up.
It gets better.
I was completely stripped of my rights and punished the maximum for a crime I did no commit. I used to see both sides and feel like there were some good cops. Now I must revise my opinion and say th police are definitely against us and they are mostly sadistic, not emotionally intelligent (if at all) enough to handle normal conversational speech — they attack and say you can’t ask them that, and then threaten you always .
They are clearly worst to the blacks by far, then any white person (only women were prisoners that night) gets treated worse than that because there are less of you and they think you’re scum – most were elderly mentally ill homeless women, and a woman wins warrant- there were no Latina women and very few Latino men. The men were mostly black and one disoriented little old Asian man who asked for meditation and was denied as as he walked away the staff made fun of him.
They make fun of every inmate. They “assume” you’re guilty. There’s a code you can’t decipher but know exists – I was on the treat like shit List for sure.
More details on the lovely metro inmate center where you cannot get any information because each department says it has to be wait to be called from the other department. No one can ask anything. They have a sadistic procedure in place to maximize sociopathic behavior of the police force.
I am now going to have to go to court and sue for a crime I did not commit. I caninky assume the woman who aggressively provoked me then was able to get the police to immediately treat me as if I were whitey bulger is 1-she knows someone in the LAPD; 2-she and the management company ar behind a recurring problem in my building.
So yay I get to sue another slulord and deal with a psychotic horrifyingly ugly person (the kind who are mean about their appearance and lack of anything but being a bully) who is my neighbor.
Do I get a restraining order?
And today, on top of all that, my favorite uncle who I adored died. I was supposed to fly out to see the family and would be there had I not been arrested and held for 36 hours for a crime I did not commit.
Another reason I wonder why I’m even here. I’m adopted. I was a mistake. My career ‘so over thanks to people who illegally terminated me. I could no have children so as a woman I am Considered barren, lesser, irrelevant . Plus no kids, no one cares when you die. I’m a failure after all and my spirit is broken.
I need to find the money to go to this funeral since the police brutality and expense has wiped out all the money I had.
I am a doomed human being. I wish I had never been here on this plane of human suffering and people who betray you, aren’t your friends, can’t even pick you up off the street where they dump you at 130 am downtown LA. Real nice guys. Fake friends. Worse than that. They steal from you when you’re Down. That’s my weekend .
I’m at my wits end now and Need to find a way o New Hampshire right away
Waiting for luckless
Rage in the
For the better
No one cares
This is what
Not a chance
Every God has
hell on earth
As atheists proclaim
A moving target
Why did you have
THAT in your
how is it that
I’ll take care
of my own
she won’t serve me
cos you owe her
for last dime
The rhyme is
Plain and simple
as we bicker
The finer points
off the grid
Here we are
In the sand
Dearer in absentia
This is your poet laureate
Stop the killing
No life’s Inconsequential
We send you to another
We have no time left
I know not
We think we have time or we bemoan the waiting for other people’s rules to lift or apply so we can get on with the passing of time, the expenditure of our lives, one tic toc sadness after another.
The bastard child
Looking up Audre Lorde
Still she’d never have
This bastard at her table
This one ran from
Place to place
A walking ghost
She carried spirits
In her vessel
To the other side
That was her payment
A life she never wanted
A fate she could never leave
Lying in the toxic gadget graveyard run amok with Carrie on in the hotel room with one of your standard 103 fevers, the image of the child collecting garbage to make a living comes to mind.
The world is out of whack.
Worse then ever
And wouldn’t ya know
I’ve never felt better
The place that saved her life
I’d say more but my fingers hurt so typing causes pain. The irony of our life’s years pressing forward as collective chaos ensues is that I finally know I’m not the problem in time to see it all destroyed.
the world is unrelenting
our ways, in need of mending,
time we waste, not spending
everything that was is surely ending.
ironic effects in psychological terms,[are] those that may occur when attempts to suppress a thought increase its accessibility to memory so that it is more likely to be brought to mind, especially under conditions of stress or increased mental load.
The irony of your situation when you witness “ironic effects of dietary supplements” when you considered the “ironic effect of the negative image,” say the antithesis of dietary supplements, which is, according to Wikipedia, smoking.
The ironic effect of realization when juxtaposed with actual existence.
Just because you think I don’t see you doesn’t mean I’m not observing your every move and just waiting, patiently, to pay you back for your egregious abuse of good natured people.
We never learn, do we?
Coz I wanna live life
And always be true
We never change, do we?
We change. We get better or worse. We decide to become that way.
If we’re lucky, life relents. Gives in to the whims of humankind, looks the other way. You skate through life, sure to take credit for the circumstance created by your consecutively fortuitous decision-making.
This is what the 80s taught us.
Now, quantum physics comes along and says a brain can’t generate thoughts only receive stimuli and consistently identify patterns that reduce pain and suffering and this is what we call intelligence.
Well, as someone who took naturally to poetic metaphor, accepted the power of our archetypal mind and embraced the process of collective consciousness, so I already knew thoughts came from elsewhere. But it’s not that.