“You ruin your life by choosing the wrong person…words will stick…and nothing will be able to breach that judgement.
“You ruin your life by desensitizing it…”
Which is exactly what the Kahuna right down the road from me in Wailua Houselots said–sensitive? That was a good thing, meant you were hearing the universe, closer to whatever notion of god was palatable to you — once you had achieved some modicum of these five cornerstones: 1-observe the principle (get outside your emotional reaction as you can and see the PRINCIPLE of what if going on in your life; 2) AWARENESS (maybe that was first but I seem to recall it being hard to be aware as much as he was, this spiritual man of Hawaiian kahuna descent, his grandmother went in through the windows not the doors — ancient kahuna magic super secret world knowledge but you could feel it in the wind at miloli’i sometimes…
And onto 3) PRESENCE–which comes from 4) ALIGNMENT of the first two (I know I am getting all this out of order, sorry Abraham, or Kahu as he was called by Kim and Jimmy, art farm made-for-each-other-who-knew duo. And lastly: MAGNITUDE, which I think comes in waves, at least for a lay-man (layperson sounds worse to me for some reason, like I am lying down dead in the middle of the street in a cross walk like abbey road–the beatles are walking over me…)
Hear the Joke.
Feel the Joke (not easy, can be painful)
And 3 more I obviously need to work on since I can’t remember them — about how the joke is the universe’s control over all this spirit matter and god wasn’t almighty against those forces (those cosmic realms that Stephen Hawking investigates in the reaches of a mind that can conceive of infinity as a mathematical equation. I cannot. I can conceive of it as poetry, as a certain scientific version of the craft, how T.S. Eliot is the perfect poet, to me, with Yeats and Auden so close behind. As in the longer form but not too long–Larkin is another. And the women take a different tack but I always loved Gwendolyn Brooks, she spoke to me, I saw no color due to my bizarre upbringing on ALL fronts…
MAYBE don’t BE SENSITIVE (because of trolls and bullies slowing you down) but also don’t be DE-SENSITIZED and NUMB. (easier said that done when your heart’s been ripped out by a few rough handlers and then along comes this surprise that tragically could never work out–due to time, years in between, why is that, who cares? we’ll see.
“Caring is not synonymous with crazy.” — Yes, all my prior CWs who talked shit about me behind my back saying I was ‘crazy’ — that’s actually not cool nor probably legal since I have all my wits about me and I am more emotionally intelligent than you not to mention mentally light years ahead of you. What I don’t get is I was purposely sweet because I believe in kindness-==that must have been perceived as a weakness. The crazy? from having to work 80 hours a week (because they take advantage of you from all sides) doing their job, cleaning up their messes, coz in the end it’s less time-consuming at that point than trying to get through to them that it’s a process outside the limits of their intelligence and ego.
Neither here nor there, but this matters.
YOU RUIN YOUR LIFE BY TOLERATING IT!
I love this person….
THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS. I hope you’re okay with my re-posting and riffing off the ideas in my usual Henry Miller meets Hunter S. Thomson with an Anne Sexton undertone style.
THANKS FOR THE INSPIRATION!
Understand that life is not a straight line. Life is not a set timeline of milestones. It is okay if you don’t finish school, get married, find a job that supports you, have a family, make money, and live comfortably all by this age, or that age. It’s okay if you do, as long as you understand that if you’re not married by 25, or a Vice President by 30 — or even happy, for that matter — the world isn’t going to condemn you. You are allowed to backtrack. You are allowed to figure out what inspires you. You are allowed time, and I think we often forget that. We choose a program right out of high school because the proper thing to do is to go straight to University. We choose a job right out of University, even if we didn’t love our program, because we…
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