The Apprentice Effect

You may or may not know this but I produced over thirty episodes of the original show including most memorably the first episode, the lemonade stand.

I was the show producer – director in the field for the women’s team and shepherded episodes 1, 5, 9 & 13 through post-production, watching hundreds of hours of “tape.”

I got good at reading subtle cues following super smart business people around as they tested their book smarts on the streets of New York.

The first boardroom was over six hours. I transcribed the whole thing in my hotel room from VHS tapes. It was grueling. I know for a fact, I am the only producer who did this since following this, we got them transcribed. I didn’t sleep between shooting, writing up intensely detailed notes from eight cameras, conducting interviews to cover anyone getting fired (unlike the bachelor or survivor where they have an inkling because of how the cast reveals it to the producers) because, ultimately, the beauty (and incredibly risky endeavor) of the show was that Trump could fire who he wanted. He listened to varying points of view but we had to be prepared for anything and stay one step ahead of the psychology of the individual to tell some kind of cohesive story that had three required elements: it must be fair and authentic; it must make sense; and it must decifer a business thesis principle that would be proven by the final decision on who deserved to go the most.

What does this mean over the course of the next 134 hours and 23 minutes until the day of reckoning? It means be prepared for the worst, work for the best. Most importantly, stay alive.
When asked what a Trump supporter believes, I took a stab at a summary statement based on my observations and background.

These are some thoughts to consider before you write in your candidate:

The apprentice effect

1) that he means what he says;

2) that he will get corruption out of politics because he’s a “straight shooter”;

3) that he is the mega-successful mogul portrayed on “The Apprentice,” rather than in debt to banks in China;

4) that he will make them rich like him;

5) that he will fix health care, lower taxes and national debt;

6) that he is not a career politician;

7) that he is not Obama who delivered us Isis and enabled banks, did everything he claimed he was against;

8) they believe what slogans they are fed because they are angry at the corruption and self-serving profiteering that both parties have enjoyed for far too long;

9) they are ashamed of Clinton’s propensity for scandal, we are a nation of puritans when it comes to our mythology – we want to believe they are hearing us but ultimately Donald probably doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

The system is broken, the status quo is a “coup of corruption” turned into game of thrones without the cute dragons.

It has been said we are two countries – and indeed that is true. But we’ve been coopted to think the differences are between us, when the real widening divide is between us and people who think they are above the law, say one thing but do another, pathologically lie about whatever is expedient while avoiding any true specifics or accountability when it’s pointed out that their plan will actually hurt us more. On both teams.

I could explain the thinking but it’s pointless because no one cares. They’ve been manipulated into emotional and visceral reaction – voting against instead of voting for- thanks to a system that supports the inept  (doesn’t understand classified information) and blatantly disingenuous (absolute bluster and fabrication in service of ego and bizarre twists to show how “of the people” you are), which they buy like tobacco-flavored crack.
A system so full of corruption and deceit that no one knows what will happen in a week. These polarizing and ultimately destructive to us as a nation need to stop promoting the fantasies. Capitalism and endless growth are mythological beliefs that will bring us to war because war creates jobs and evetyone from China to Russia to Venezuela to Lebanon wants to kick our cocky hypocritical asses (it didn’t just start in the last 8 years and no one president is to blame, but the whole lot of them and congress too).
Get ready. Plant your garden. Stay true to your beliefs.

“The greatest [calamity] which could befall [us would be] submission to a government of unlimited powers.”

 –Thomas Jefferson: Declaration and Protest of Virginia, 1825. ME 17:445

Pope on a rope
The cloaked dark
Benghazi nazi

Rings a bell

that rings a bell

But then the bell never went off

Shed forget 

Back TO being a



Agorophobic station wagon collapse 

off the ever-resolate I-05

We all gotta go sometime.

That hardly provided any comfort, like an expiration date, what exactly is it preventing? Equally maleficent, the warning label, the disclaimer, the we might kill ya waiver. Despicable. 

Deplorable had just been ruined, overexposed- had its day.
She popped a benzo to unjangle those Upper East Side jitters, lower westside bitters.

Oh, well, I love ya 

pretty baby

You’re the only love

 I’ve ever known
Just as long as 

you stay 

with me

The whole 

world is 

my throne

I think I can do better with that refrain 


Beyond here lies nothin

Nothin we can call our own

Beyond here lies


Not a thing to show 


How the time 


Ode to the 21 year old always bumming smokes 

You can’t wait Til you’re the only one talking
Yet you’ve got nothing to say

Because you have yet to really live 

Go In silence 

And listen to the world

Seek your own truth

You will need to know it 

in the times ahead 

There is nothing like failure 

to keep reminding you of

the lateral disappointment 

of the many in-between


Just in case 

Oh why not

How could you?

Who am I?

Who do I act like I am, who do I think I am? Who knows. I don’t generally think about that. I think about all the things I could have done had things not gone so horribly awry, repeatedly, on a regular basis, so that the one truth I hold to be self-evident is it can always get worse…



  • There are no rules to suffering.
  • Then, by default, there is no God to ameliorate that pain.

Don’t read this 

I used to give 5 bucks to the police fund coz I thought maybe 25% were good. Now I can honestly say maybe 14 cops in the entire country aren’t evil sadisric liars. 

There is no we the people anymore 

The police act hostile immediately. There is no investigation. They can bring four officers to your door, lie (repeatedly), ask you o step outside to answer a few questions. You comply, wondering what this could possibly be about. 
You are not asked any questions but are told to face the wall and put your hands behind your back. When you plead why are you dong this? They threaten: I’m going to charge you with resisting arrest.
You are told they are putting you in an air conditioned squad car but instead tighten your handcuffs and throw you into the plastic seat of a patrol car (there are now 4-6 back up cars and many people bullying you with no communication other than this woman says you did his so if she makes a possible identification , you’re gone. 
What if she is lying? You want to be charged with resisting arrest?

The backseat is not only air conditioned so you would fee more comfortable (I’m having ho flashes and pretty upset by now as I was to fly out to a funeral) and put me in a hot car and then roll up the windows.

About a minute later when I start to feel sick, I move in the back i try to help my writers stop stinging because now I’m so hot I’m feeling like I’m going to have a panic attack and my handcuffs are cutting into my wrists so much I’m crying – the female officer approaches aggressively to bark at me what are you doing? In an accusatory voice. In a hot car with Windows rolled up.

It gets better.
I was completely stripped of my rights and punished the maximum for a crime I did no commit. I used to see both sides and feel like there were some good cops. Now I must revise my opinion and say th police are definitely against us and they are mostly sadistic, not emotionally intelligent (if at all) enough to handle normal conversational speech — they attack and say you can’t ask them that, and then threaten you always .

 They are clearly worst to the blacks by far, then any white person (only women were prisoners that night) gets treated worse than that because there are less of you and they think you’re scum – most were elderly mentally ill homeless women, and a woman wins warrant- there were no Latina women and very few Latino men. The men were mostly black and one disoriented little old Asian man who asked for meditation and was denied as as he walked away the staff made fun of him.

They make fun of every inmate. They “assume” you’re guilty. There’s a code you can’t decipher but know exists – I was on the treat like shit List for sure.
More details on the lovely metro inmate center where you cannot get any information because each department says it has to be wait to be called from the other department. No one can ask anything. They have a sadistic procedure in place to maximize sociopathic behavior of the police force.
I am now going to have to go to court and sue for a crime I did not commit. I caninky assume the woman who aggressively provoked me then was able to get the police to immediately treat me as if I were whitey bulger is 1-she knows someone in the LAPD; 2-she and the management company ar behind a recurring problem in my building.

So yay I get to sue another slulord and deal with a psychotic horrifyingly ugly person (the kind who are mean about their appearance and lack of anything but being a bully) who is my neighbor.

Do I get a restraining order?

And today, on top of all that, my favorite uncle who I adored died. I was supposed to fly out to see the family and would be there had I not been arrested and held for 36 hours for a crime I did not commit.
Another reason I wonder why I’m even here. I’m adopted. I was a mistake. My career ‘so over thanks to people who illegally terminated me. I could no have children so as a woman I am Considered barren, lesser, irrelevant . Plus no kids, no one cares when you die. I’m a failure after all and my spirit is broken. 

I need to find the money to go to this funeral since the police brutality and expense has wiped out all the money I had.
I am a doomed human being. I wish I had never been here on this plane of human suffering and people who betray you, aren’t your friends, can’t even pick you up off the street where they dump you at 130 am downtown LA. Real nice guys. Fake friends. Worse than that. They steal from you when you’re Down. That’s my weekend .
I’m at my wits end now and Need to find a way o New Hampshire right away

four corners

First end 

Game’s end 

Almost Neared 

We headed Out 
Ample proof 

Just happenstance 



Our distance 

You soar

~across the sky 

to look me 

In the eye 

Ikeep saying you want 


like Wood




  1. life 
  2. With woodpecker 
  3. A fly 
  4. Or Fad
  5. Gadfly 
  6. On the 
  7. Prowl 
  8. muse of song 
  9. mystic maker